


It's Alright, It's Okay

by stardustedknuckles



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But it's close I'll grant you, Could fit in canon but not strictly compliant, Feel-good, Gen, No Spoilers, What's sexier than wizards?, Wizards and emotional healing, a couple swears bc beaus gonna beau, the start of recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustedknuckles/pseuds/stardustedknuckles
Summary: Caleb laughs, and he's not even delirious.
Relationships: The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast, caleb widogast & happiness
Comments: 13
Kudos: 145





	It's Alright, It's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> I was driving home today and got caught in a slow rush of a good feeling. I thought about recovery, and what it means to purposefully inhabit a moment and seek out a feeling, to mark it and stow it away for dark nights. And then I thought of this little family in the brightest, most colorful spot I could think and rushed to get home and get it all down.
> 
> Title from "It's Alright" by Mother Mother, which was on repeat in the car.

Golden hour on Rumblecusp had Caleb feeling something he couldn't quite put a name to. It was a little like the boundary between magic and the world around him had drawn thin, blurring together -- like Frumpkin's eyes when looked into them for just a little too long. He understood distantly, his back against the tree, that he'd normally be trying to find the root of this feeling and make it stop. But with the cool, shaded grass touching his bare feet and Frumpkin himself purring incessantly in his lap, he couldn't bring himself to look too closely at the unfamiliar comfort of it.

His fingers absently traced the soft, brilliant fur of the sleeping creature in his lap, the skin of his hands glowing orange with the dappled light filtering through the trees splashed along Frumpkin's pelt and his own knees, warming all in its grasp. _This could be an illustration in a book,_ he thought idly. Greens and golds and shadows flitted around the small clearing they found themselves in, saturated with floating dust and flickering softly in the breeze.

A splash of blue was perched on a large gray-golden rock nearby -- Beau, eyes closed, expression relaxed. Both the rock and the monk basked in the rays punching through the canopy; the light of the sun was pooled there in her open palms. They were all so very bright to him. 

Voices rose from a few feet away; one of Beau's eyes cracked open as Yasha's soft and familiar cadence raised just a little. She and Fjord stood in the middle of the clearing with their heads almost touching, squabbling -- they would have called it negotiating, and the thought made Caleb smile -- over a small shield he had just identified for them. He watched as Fjord, ever the diplomat, took a deep breath and rubbed a hand through his hair.

"Look," he said. "Obviously it would be an extremely useful object for both of us."

"Obviously," Yasha agreed.

"And neither one of us wants to make a huge fuss about it when we know everyone benefits from it in the end."

Yasha considered. "Sure, but I think I would like it if it were a more direct benefit for me."

"So would I, that's reasonable," Fjord nodded. "So how about this. We'll flip for it."

Yasha's eyes flickered from Fjord's face to the placating hand he had lifted. "Are you sure?"

"Course I'm sure," Fjord said. "Fair's fair."

Yasha shrugged. "Okay." Without further hesitation, she grabbed Fjord's wrist and flipped him. Caleb winced in sympathy as Fjord's back collided with the ground with a startled yelp and a tiny explosion of dust that caught the light around him and shimmered, breathless, like glitter above the grass. The beat of silence stretched.

Laughter exploded suddenly from the Beau's direction, and Caleb glanced over just in time to watch her lean back, overbalance, and drop off the back of the rock out of sight with a muffled "fuck!"

A snort erupted from inside him, startling Frumpkin and causing Jester and Veth's heads to snap from the scene in the clearing back to him. Jester looked stunned. Veth looked absolutely delighted.

Schiesse.

"Holy shit!" Beau's head popped up from behind the rock, hair mussed and bristling with grass. As always, she spoke what everyone else was thinking. "Did Caleb just _laugh?"_

Incredibly, Caleb could feel it building in his chest again. Something about the light, the sequence of events, the disheveled state of Beau's hair. It almost felt like a panic attack, but if the cloud that usually pressed against the outsides of his lungs were coming from the inside and made of the same sunlight washing over him and his family. Looking from the Yasha's apologetic face to Fjord rubbing his back and again to Beau's state of disarray, another one spiraled up and out of his throat and then he couldn't stop.

Caleb laughed and laughed.

Something excitable and Veth-sized leapt into his lap suddenly, startling Frumpkin up to his shoulder, and another impact nearly knocked the breath out of his lungs as Jester grabbed them both. It was too much and it would never be enough, and -- there was a rustling of fabric and a thump on his other side, and then a dark bracer reached across him to grip his other shoulder. His laughter dwindled slowly and he could feel tears in his eyes, but he knew he still had to have a dumb grin on his face when he looked over at Beau.

She scowled at him. "You look stupid."

He chuckled, still feeling a bit giddy. "Ja, but have you seen your hair?"

"If we're doing hugs, I could certainly use one," Caduceus piped up before Beau could slug him. They all looked at him. He shrugged easily. "It's a good day for it."

Beau flung her arm out. "Pack it in," she said. "You too, Yasha. And Fjord, I guess."

Fjord ignored the jibe and exchanged a glance with Yasha. "Do you think they're been poisoned somehow?" she asked him.

Fjord considered, looking back over at them as Caduceus wiggled his way in. Beau made an impatient flap at them over his back. "Come on, moment's fading and my arm hurts."

"I think maybe we're just not used to everyone feeling okay at the same time," Fjord said.

Yasha's face split into a soft smile. "That's a good point, I think. Shall we?"

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut as the group shifted around him to accommodate Fjord and Yasha, reveling in the deep pressure that ground the feeling of contentment into his skin. If they squeezed hard enough, he thought fleetingly, they might be able to infuse it into his bones and keep him warm enough to melt the ice walling the place where his thoughts became emotions. Caleb focused and reached all of his sense out to commit the moment to a memory deeper than sight, feeling almost desperate to lock it away inside him. Beau's sun-warmed skin against his arm, Veth's arms and legs wrapped around his stomach, Jester's horn where it jabbed his cheek just a little, and Frumpkin from his new position on his shoulder, purring over them as contentedly as he felt.

_I think I love you all,_ he thought.

A few moments of warmth passed between them all, and then Veth's head popped up from under Jester's elbow and gasped for air. "You all…need…a bath," she wheezed.

"Hey!" Jester protested.

"No that's fair," said Beau.

"There's a stream just down the hill," said Yasha, pointing helpfully.

The nein mumbled agreements and good-natured jabs as they peeled themselves up one by one from the group. Beau mussed Caleb's hair roughly as she stood and grinned when he slapped at her hand. They found their way back to their activities, all except Caduceus and Veth. Caleb made the conscious effort to soak in the dregs of the feeling as he felt it dissipating, and then with a deep breath he let it go. 

"Are you alright, Caleb?" Veth was still in his lap, looking up at him kindly as he settled once more into the quieter version of himself that he knew.

He smiled at Veth, the usual smile with the burden behind it softening the edges. "Ja, I am good," he said, patting her head.

"It was real nice to see you looking happy," Caduceus said. "If you ever think of something we can do to bring that back for you, I think we'd all like to know."

Affection stirred in Caleb at Caduceus's open and honest way of speaking. The feeling was back behind the wall of his mind for now, where they all came to flap against it like flies on a screen, but it was there and it wasn't impossible to imagine it making its way to a feeling someday. "Thank you," he said. "I'll do my best."

Caduceus rose, smiling. "Don't worry about rushing it," he said. "You'll get the hang of it soon."

Caleb tipped his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, missing the pressure of them all already and reaching inside himself to hold that moment of deep contentment. "Ja," he said, feeling the weight of Veth and Frumpkin grounding him. "I think I might."


End file.
